Compassionate truth-telling can nurture healing

Last week I visited with a good friend whose father had died unexpectedly. My friend was going to speak at his father’s funeral, and he asked me a question: “Where does the Bible say that God gives us only as much as we are able to bear?”

I thought about that a moment and replied, “I know it sounds like it should be in the Bible, but I don’t think it’s found there.” Then I suggested that he consider reflecting on Jesus’ words (found in Matthew 11:28-30) about coming to Jesus to find rest.

I mentioned to my friend that when Jesus said his “yoke is easy,” his listeners knew he was referring to the custom-made yokes that oxen wore. They were shaped so they could wear and pull with them more easily.

That was as close as I could come to the quote he threw at me.

I could be wrong – and will admit so if I am. But I really couldn’t find anything in the Bible that spoke of God not giving us anymore than we can bear.

A few days after the visit with my friend, I preached in our home church. I unpacked a longtime misconception, a myth, that “you shouldn’t mix religion and politics.” This myth likely was begun a very long time ago by people whose lives had been severely damaged by bad religion in cahoots with bad politics.

Well, I began to wonder about the wide variety of religious and church myths (fictions, half-truths) that have taken on distorting lives of their own. I also began to wonder how we can best address those myths in ways that lets us tell the truth about the myths but not attack the people who believe in them.

A (mostly) true story: “Mr. ABC” was the biggest financial contributor in his local church. A myth developed there that Mr. ABC could have/do anything he wanted.

One day he went to see the new pastor to discuss a youth program that had prompted some controversy in the church.

“Pastor, if you continue this youth program, I want you to know I’m going to take my money to another church,” he said.

“Well, Mr. ABC, if that’s the way you feel about it, you had better leave,” the pastor replied. “The youth are responding well to this new approach, so we’ll continue to use it.”

“Damn,” Mr. ABC said. “My threat has worked with every other pastor.”

My understanding is that the pastor and Mr. ABC developed a pretty healthy relationship even if they didn’t learn to agree on everything. In that instance, direct truth-telling worked the best.

When it comes to debunking church and religious myths, direct truth-telling is likely the most effective way. As long as you’ve done the homework you need so you can “prove” your information is accurate, “telling it straight” can work.

But while you may deflate a commonly held perception about church life or something in the Bible, etc., you also must deal with a live person who may believe that myth quite deeply. So there is an art to truth-telling that can shed some light without burning the one who believes the myth.

Here are a few questions you might ponder as you prepare to “battle the myths” in your life: Why do you want to battle this myth? Is it to “win” an argument with someone? To show your expertise in spiritual matters?

Do you know how deeply the other person “owns the myth”? How can you respect that person’s desire to hold his belief and yet be honest with him and your relationship to him as you discuss the myth?

Can you be invitational with him: “Help me understand what you believe about XX”? When you know another person is willing to understand your conviction, you are more able and ready to understand his conviction.

So turn that truth around and first understand his reasoning.

Please write me after you answer two more questions: 1) What (apparent) myths have you come across in your own spiritual journey? 2) How have you told the truth – or been told the truth – in ways that either hurt you or healed you?

We live relatively well with the myths of our lives. But how much healthier we could be if someone would lovingly tell us some truth about those myths.

Our lives could actually be changed!

I believe that would put a huge smile on God’s heart.

And maybe our own.