Bridezilla-itis preventable
Carolyn Hax is away. The following are excerpts from summer 2003 live discussions on www.washingtonpost.com.
Carolyn: I’m about to be engaged and want to avoid the “bridezilla” disease that seems to sweep through during the wedding season. Can you tell me the symptoms of being a bridezilla so I don’t turn into one without knowing it? – Orlando
Any decision you make should either honor your beliefs about marriage or comfort your guests. Beyond that, it’s just stress in service of a fairy tale, and no one young enough to expect fairy tales has any business getting married.
Carolyn: My boyfriend of three years (we’re early 30s) and I recently broke up. He said he didn’t know what he wanted in life, so it wasn’t fair for us to be together. Every once in a while we talk, but NEVER about the break. And, he’s said he misses me quite a few times. What gives? Is he having second thoughts? – Washington
Assume not until he actually says he does. Otherwise you’re just fueling your own false hopes. I’m sorry.
Carolyn: Can you be friends with someone when you have a terrible unrequited crush on them? Or, more accurately, how do you convey to someone that you can’t be their friend because it hurts/makes you too insecure to be around them/drives you crazy to hear anything about their love life/generally turns you into a 12-year-old, without its coming off as manipulative and pathetic? In this case the person already knows about the crush, but perhaps not the intensity. And I have tried being a grown-up about the whole thing, but it doesn’t work – can’t get over him. – D.C.
“I’m sorry, I still have feelings for you and it hurts for me to be around you.” Anyone who could be so frank would seem more brave than pathetic to me.
Carolyn: Is it a bad idea to try dating again when one still has a crush on one’s ex-girlfriend?
I’m still good friends with my ex, although I haven’t (and won’t) act on my crush because she dumped me. – Curious
If you’d be dating for the sake of dating for the sake of erasing the ex, bad idea. If you’d be dating because you found someone you’d like to date, great idea.
Carolyn: I’ve just come from another marriage counseling session. Turns out that the woman I married four years ago admits she wasn’t really herself then and is just now “finding herself” through a local fundamentalist megachurch. I think we’re headed for separation. Sigh – just looking for some kind words on a depressing day. – Tired and Frustrated
When the worst is over, you will be better. I swear.