Kids tell chilling tales about dog’s fridge phobia
The fourth-graders (soon to be fifth) at Midway Elementary School in Colbert, Wash., have come to the rescue of my psychotic border collie, Jack.
Their student teacher, Bobbi Michaelis, was moved to action this spring by my column about Jack’s bizarre refrigerator phobia. This crazy dog was afraid to walk past our new refrigerator, especially at night. So I solicited suggestions on how to solve this problem; Michaelis pounced on it as a creative writing lesson. The kids put on their thinking caps, as my old fourth-grade teacher used to say, and came through beyond my wildest dreams.
On the subject of why Jack freaks out around the refrigerator, one student came up with the obvious explanation:
“Maybe there’s a ghost,” wrote Triston.
Yes, the dreaded Amana ghost, from the evil realm of Hotpoint. In any case, a number of these kids espoused a similar ghost theory.
“Jack thinks there’s a ghost behind the refrigerator,” wrote Tannor.
“Maybe the ghost is IN the refrigerator,” wrote Jacob.
Other children were convinced that something was behind that fridge – but not a ghost.
“Maybe there is another dog hiding behind the freezer,” wrote both Mirra and Makayla.
Megan took this even further, proposing that “a bully dog” was crouched behind the refrigerator, waiting to pounce.
Even more alarming, from a homeowner’s point of view, was the suggestion that it was neither dog nor ghost.
“I think that a boy is sitting behind the refrigerator,” wrote Micah.
I thought that was scary enough until Eryn wrote that there is “a stranger inside the fridge.” This would be enough to give both me (and the stranger) chills.
A number of kids had more practical explanations for Jack’s fear. Both Zak and Andrea came to the conclusion that Jack is afraid of the dark. Jessica and Kristin had a similar idea: “Maybe the refrigerator looks scary at night,” although Jessica added the highly plausible theory that Jack just plain “does not like the refrigerator.”
Dogs can be like that.
Even more plausible was the suggestion from Connor that the dog “thinks the door will open.” Connor may be on to something. Dogs have been known to permanently distrust a fridge or washer door after being bonked by a door at an early age.
Jordan suggested that Jack had the opposite problem: that he “never saw a refrigerator.” He certainly has seen one before, but not one with a noisy automatic icemaker.
Another practical explanation came from Alexandra, who suggested that there is “a smell by the refrigerator that he does not like.” This is entirely possible, since there’s a smell by the refrigerator that even I don’t like, after the leftover scallops have been sitting in there for a week.
Heather expostulated that the floor by the fridge is slippery and Jack didn’t want to slip and fall down. This, too, is possible, since Jack has a proven tendency to get excited, spin his wheels and perform a pratfall.
However, it was up to young Dylan to come up with the most creative explanation for Jack’s behavior: “I think the dog was afraid because security beams came from the sides of the refrigerator.” I have indeed contemplated protecting the fridge with security beams, especially when we had a house full of teenagers, but to the best of my recollection I have never followed through on installation.
Finally, an exceptionally helpful girl named Camilla went the extra mile and came up with an action plan to solve the problem.
“Buy a play pen and put it around the refrigerator,” she wrote. The idea is that Jack would feel safer knowing that the evil refrigerator was quarantined off from the rest of the house.
In the meantime, I hope these kids would be happy to learn that Jack has largely worked through his phobia, and now is able to walk past the fridge with no more than a wary sideways glance.
That’s the good news. The bad news is, after reading all of these suggestions, I am no longer able to walk past the refrigerator.
Hey, you’d be freaked out too, if a stranger was living inside your refrigerator shooting out security beams.