Honesty reduces stress of secrecy
Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old man living in a small town. Five years ago, I met a wonderful man, “Andy,” and we started dating. A few years ago, Andy moved in with me, and we’ve been living together happily ever since.
The problem is that our parents have no idea we’re a couple or that we’re living together. Before, I was very close to my mother and grandmother, but this secret has pushed me farther and farther from them. Andy and I live in another town, where we are an openly gay couple, and Andy even met my parents once, but under the guise of being just a friend. I’ve been careful not to lie to my family, but I can never quite bring myself to talk about Andy. I’m not ashamed of our relationship, but I fear rejection from my family.
With the holiday season approaching, this is on my mind more and more. Andy and I are trying to make plans. In the past, Andy and I would go home to our separate families for the holidays, but that means I have to spend a lot of time with my siblings and their significant others. I miss Andy.
How can I gently break the news to my mother that for the past five years, I’ve been in a happy, stable relationship (and would be married, if that were possible) and that she’s been kept in the dark? And is it better never to tell my grandmother, or risk informing her of something she will find greatly offensive? – Stuck in Silence
Dear Stuck: We’re in favor of honesty here. Living undercover is stressful, and obviously, you would like to bring Andy home for the holidays. To find appropriate ways to break the news, contact PFLAG (pflag.org) at 1726 M St., N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036. Start with your mother, and ask how she feels about telling Grandma.
Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old mother of one and have been in a relationship with my fiance for seven years. His birthday is next month, and I would like to tattoo his name on my buttocks, but I’m just not sure if it’s a stupid thing to do.
He is a great father and boyfriend, and I just want to show him how much he means to me. What do you think? – DNPN
Dear DNPN: You couldn’t just buy him a CD? If you think it will impress your fiance to have his name imprinted on your rear end, go right ahead. It’s your body. But keep in mind that skin sags over time and not all relationships last forever.