Annie’s Mailbox : He throws things in anger

Dear Annie: I am a 30-year-old woman and have been living with “Michael” for seven months. We have been dating nearly two years.

Our relationship is pretty good, except for one thing. Michael has an anger management problem. He never has hurt me, but he throws things. One time, he couldn’t get the fire started in the grill, so he threw the lighter stick in the neighbor’s yard. Another time, he had car trouble and proceeded to kick the wheel until the hubcap fell off.

Michael is an educated, articulate, charming man who openly admits he has a problem with his temper. He said he went for counseling in the past, and if he goes again, they will only tell him things he already knows.

I am not afraid for my safety, but I don’t want him to hurt himself or get into trouble. His sister told me their mother also had a terrible temper and threw things, so it is easy to see where this comes from.

I love Michael so much. What else can we do? – Cautiously Optimistic

Dear Optimistic: Anger management classes work when the person is determined enough to consistently employ the techniques taught. Michael doesn’t seem all that interested in putting the necessary effort into modifying his behavior. His temper may never get worse than it is right now, but it’s also possible he’ll throw a wrench in the direction of your head. You cannot fix this. Unless Michael is willing to do more work on his temper, your only choice is whether or not to stick around.

Dear Annie: I am 22 and recently got engaged. My fiance is Catholic, and I am Baptist. As a Catholic, my fiance is required to get married in a Catholic church. I don’t mind doing this for him.

My parents, who were planning to help me with the wedding, refused to pay for a Catholic ceremony, so my fiance and I decided to have two ceremonies – one Baptist and one Catholic. However, after telling my mom, she said two weddings would be a humiliation. She said if we had any kind of Catholic ceremony, she and my dad were not going to pay, plan or participate in our wedding at all.

I don’t mind paying for my own wedding, but I want my parents to be a part of it. Having a Baptist wedding instead of a Catholic one is not an option. I don’t know how to keep everyone happy. – Engaged and Alone

Dear Engaged: You cannot keep everyone happy, so decide whose happiness means the most to you. We think it should be your fiance’s. Please understand that when you choose to marry, it means putting your future husband before all others.