Harriette Cole: Her body art not appreciated by all

Dear Harriette: I have a number of visible piercings and tattoos, which are a form of artistic expression for me. The problem is, they are offensive to other people. I cover my tattoos and take out my piercing jewelry at times, but I end up having to do it so often I feel as though I cannot be myself in everyday life. Why can’t I wear what I want and simply be accepted as I am? Why are piercings and tattoos so offensive to some people? — Jill, New York, N.Y.

Dear Jill: We live in such a diverse culture these days that there’s bound to be an environment where you can feel comfortable, especially in New York City. Since you chose to cover your body in this way, you will need to choose to carve out a community of like-minded people with whom you can socialize and work.

But it remains likely there will be people, and plenty of them, who will at the very least raise an eyebrow at your piercings and tattoos. Why? The way people present themselves has an immediate impact on others. In the work environment, I always suggest people learn what is expected and do their best to present themselves in a way that will help them to be successful. That means they find ways to adhere to the company’s codes of conduct, as well as dress codes, while maintaining some semblance of who they are.

Piercings and tattoos can make that exercise difficult because they can be distracting, drawing your attention to them rather than to a person’s face and intellect.

There is a time and a place for most things.You may find that camouflaging your piercings and tattoos in certain environments, work and personal, will be advantageous to you.

Nothing Tacky about Writing a Check

Dear Harriette: My niece is having a destination wedding in October. Although my husband and I were invited, we can’t afford to go. We did, however, attend the engagement party and gave them a small congratulatory gift, and I plan to go to the bridal shower in September and give her a gift there as well. Because we aren’t attending the actual wedding, do we need to send a gift? My husband thinks we should give money to help pay for their honeymoon, but I think it’s tacky! Do you have any advice? — Amy, Queens, N.Y.

Dear Amy: Believe it or not, nearly every couple in the middle of wedding plans would welcome a check. These kinds of nuptials are terrifically expensive, especially destination weddings. While it would be inappropriate to earmark how the couple should spend the money, it’s perfect to give directly from your wallet. Then they can choose to spend the money however they see fit.