Annie’s Mailbox: Encourage son to be all he can be

Dear Annie: I am a divorced 45-year-old woman with a 12-year-old son. “Philip” gets straight A’s and is involved in sports and music, but I don’t want Philip to grow up to be a “mama’s boy.” I’ve noticed he’s very sensitive (which I think he’s learned by observing me). It’s OK for a girl to be that way, but not so much a boy. I would really like him to become more thick-skinned.

A kid pushed him on the baseball field, and when I told him he had a right to defend himself, he stated that the other kids wouldn’t let him. He then ran to the car in tears. I’m assuming it was frustration.

I contacted his father and informed him that Philip needs a good male influence in his life. My ex, however, is restricted from seeing our son due to a history of violence toward us. And Philip informed me that his father was recently arrested for DUI. Anyway, I told my ex that I’d like him to treat his son with respect – no verbal, mental, emotional or physical abuse. He said he would. Our current agreement is for Philip to spend one-on-one time with his father for a couple of hours each week during the day (before the drinking starts), so our son has adult male companionship.

I have no male friends I can trust to take on this responsibility, nor are there any Big Brother groups in my small town. Family members live six hours away. My church is four states away. I don’t want my son to be so sensitive in such a tough world. What other options are out there? – Perplexed Single Mom

Dear Perplexed: Having a sensitive son is not a bad thing and we wouldn’t push Philip too hard to be tough. With a father who has modeled abusive behavior, that approach could backfire. Instead, encourage whatever talents he has. You might be able to find a male mentor for Philip through his school, your job, the local civic organizations or the library. Consider joining a church closer to home. Big Brothers may also be able to help, even if there is no major group in your area. Contact them at Big Brothers Big Sisters (bbbs.org), 230 N. 13th St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

Dear Annie: Losing your hair is difficult. Having to wear a wig is a challenge. Having people ask if you are wearing a wig is insulting.

I am going through chemotherapy and have chosen to keep it private. I can still do my job and don’t want my career to suffer. Losing my hair is a pretty good trade-off for the alternative. – Wigged One

Dear Wigged One: If your wig is quite different in color and style from your natural hair, that may be what is provoking the questions. Still, it doesn’t make it less rude, and you are not obligated to respond.