Annie’s Mailbox: Discourage kids ‘playing house’

Dear Annie: My sister and brother-in-law revealed some information to me this weekend. It is disturbing, and I don’t like the way they are handling it.

It seems my 8-year-old niece, “Amy,” was playing with a boy and girl next door. The boy, who is also 8, talked Amy into pulling her pants down. Although my sister and her husband didn’t go into it, I gather a similar incident happened another time with a different boy.

Amy’s parents are concerned about their daughter’s well-being, but are unwilling to take Amy to a counselor who may be bound by law to report any kind of abuse such as this. Their current solution is to not let Amy be with any males except her father and grandfather, both of whom are trustworthy.

I didn’t say anything at the time, but now I believe I should have insisted they take her to counseling. The boys who victimized Amy need help as much as she does. Pushing the incident into the closet will not do any of these children any good.

Should I tell my sister this, or should I let them handle it? Amy is home schooled and an only child, so she doesn’t have many playmates. Any suggestions? – Concerned Auntie

Dear Concerned: An 8-year-old boy who convinces an 8-year-old girl to pull down her pants is not guilty of abuse. This type of “playing house” between children is quite common, and although it should be discouraged, it only necessitates counseling if Amy were somehow traumatized by the event. Instead of keeping her away from all boys, Amy’s parents should calmly teach her not to allow others to view or touch those parts of her body covered by a swimsuit, and to be able to say “no” when asked to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. She also should be taught to report this behavior to her parents, who, hopefully, will not overreact when they call the boy’s parents and ask them to speak to their son.

Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “Niece,” who said family members were upset after traveling long distances and spending money to stay at a fancy hotel for a “mock” wedding. You thought the bridal couple didn’t intentionally mislead anyone. Wrong.

A 40-year-old man who e-mails wedding invitations, forgets the license and doesn’t tell anyone that it isn’t a real ceremony is simply having a party. He should have told his guests the truth. Maybe if the relatives had known, they wouldn’t have been upset. Either way, the groom’s mother should stop making excuses for her adult son and learn to keep a secret. What a way to start married life! – D.

Dear D.: We agree it was an inauspicious beginning. Thanks for writing.