Confronting Other Woman solves nothing

Dear Annie: A few months ago, I found out my husband, who is a long-haul truck driver, has been maintaining a relationship with a woman in another town.

I discovered the affair through cell phone records and confronted my husband. He said he met this woman when she gave him a ride to a store and that he has not seen her since. He told me he was only communicating with this woman over the telephone, because I don’t like talking to him on the phone while he’s driving.

Annie, I know he was lying, but he assured me he would never talk to her again. He may be telling the truth, but I no longer trust him. I want to speak to this other woman, but she refuses to talk to me and hangs up when I call.

My husband must continue going to her city because he has a lucrative contract in the area. But, Annie, until I hear in her own words that there is no longer anything going on, I just can’t continue. After counseling (I still need more), I am considering ending our 20-year marriage. What do you suggest? – Trucker’s Wife

Dear Wife: Talking to this woman will not alleviate your concerns. No matter what she says, would you believe her? You are looking for guarantees, and there are none. Counseling will help you decide whether you are willing to give your husband another chance. You should insist that he go for counseling with you, since he must regain your trust and, therefore, needs to do some of the heavy lifting, too.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are friends with “Herb” and “Nancy.” They are anti-cigarettes. However, Herb lights a cigar any time we are outside, including playing golf or al fresco dining. He is indifferent to the other people in the area.

Nancy has no tolerance for cigarette smokers, yet she pastes a smile on her face and looks adoringly at her husband while he moves the cigar around in his mouth and blows smoke on the food and the other diners.

Herb and Nancy want to join us on an upcoming vacation, but there is no way we can handle his unhealthy smoking, nor do we want our food experiences ruined by his smelly cigar. How do we let them know without being offensive? – Sick of Stinky Smoke

Dear Sick: Herb is offensive enough for all of you. Simply tell him you are very sensitive to cigar smoke and he’ll need to puff far away from you. Period. Remind him nicely, but firmly, when he gets too close.