Annie’s Mailbox: They no longer see eye-to-eye

Dear Annie: “Angie” and I dated for four years, and had frank discussions about children. I knew she wanted a large family, and she knew I was almost as apprehensive as I was eager. We married last summer, and everything seemed great – until she turned 30. Now every conversation turns into her demanding an immediate attempt to have children.

Actually, all our conversations are fights. Our tiny house drives her crazy. Her willful refusal to tidy up makes me nuts. She blames me for her financial anxiety, saying she never cared about budgets or credit ratings before I brought them up. She wants to be a world traveler and heavy party-girl until the day she is pregnant, while I want a more domestic lifestyle.

I say we need to find ways to face our challenges together, without screaming, sobbing or saying hurtful things. I’ve begged her to come to counseling with me, and I’ve offered to pay for financial planning. She considers this stalling, when I should be stepping up and starting a family.

Angie is the love of my life and the light in my eyes, but fighting with her eats away at me. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick. If the storm is nearly throwing us overboard now, how can we expect smoother sailing when our children need us constantly and we are chronically sleep-deprived? – Trying My Best

Dear Trying: You are talking apples and oranges, logic versus emotion. Of course the problems don’t get easier when you have children, but if you truly felt the marriage was solid, you might not be so averse to starting a family. Frankly, you and Angie don’t seem compatible anymore. Insist that she go with you for couples counseling. You need someone to help you sort through all the conflict.

Dear Annie: I have never dated much, so I could use your help. I met this fine guy on a blind date, and we hit it off great. I gave him my number and told him to call if he ever wanted to hang out. Well, it’s been a month, and he has yet to call.

I asked the friend who set us up to find out what happened, and she said he is just shy and it takes a lot of effort for him to call someone. She also said he told her he had a good time the night we went out.

I can’t stop thinking about him. He just blew me away like no one before. He didn’t give me his number, so I wrote him a letter saying I had a good time and hope he’ll call.

I have yet to hear from him. What should I do – call him or let it go? – Confused in North Carolina

Dear N.C.: It’s time to let it go. Either he expected sex and has moved on to easier pastures, or he’s not that interested. Any further attempts by you to contact him will be seen as clingy and desperate.