Wife’s fears driving him nuts

Dear Annie: “Susan” and I have been married for three years, and while we love each other, the end may be near. Susan was cheated on in a previous relationship, but has made no effort to get past it, and she is entirely convinced I have been having affairs. (I have always been 100 percent faithful.)

In her obsessive witch hunt, Susan has opened my mail, checked my cell phone and computer history and followed me when I run errands. She sees “evidence” of my unfaithfulness everywhere. If I balk at shopping with her, it’s so I can stay home and chat online with anonymous women. If my nightly walk with the dog lasts 10 minutes too long, it’s because of a tryst at the dog park.

I am a nurse and wear gloves all day, but Susan believes the odor of latex means I was handling a condom. I soiled a shirt once and came home wearing a scrub top. She assumed it was to hide lipstick stains. If I leave work late because of a patient crisis, she thinks I’ve met someone. If I’m too exhausted for sex after a 12-hour shift, it means I’ve been fooling around in the linen closet at work. There are other absurd examples, but you get the idea. Yet she doesn’t think she’s obsessive.

We’ve tried couples and individual counseling, to no avail. Susan is seeing a psychiatrist, but the antidepressants haven’t helped. I have been extremely tolerant up to this point, but it’s bordering on psychological abuse, and I can’t put up with it any longer. Any suggestions? – Unjustly Accused, Tried and Convicted

Dear Accused: Susan’s insecurity borders on paranoia. If her psychiatrist is unaware of her obsessive behavior, you should inform the doctor and ask that it be addressed at their next session, and also explain how close you are to walking out. If Susan refuses to work on her problems, you may need to distance yourself for the sake of your own mental health.

Dear Annie: My sister is getting married in July, and they are deciding whether or not to open the wedding gifts at the reception. She says “no,” and her fiance says “yes.” All of us have a different opinion. Can you help? – Confused Bridesmaid in Kansas

Dear Kansas: It is not a good idea to open the gifts at the reception. It may embarrass some of the guests, and it becomes much more difficult to keep track of things when boxes are opened, ribbons are scattered and cards fall out. Gifts that are brought to the reception should be placed on a table set up for that purpose and opened later, at home.