Smart bombs: Life in the fast lane

(Two young men are having beers at a bar. Let’s listen in on their conversation)

Buddy: What took you so long, man?

Bob: I just bought a car. It’s a hybrid.

Buddy: Dude, why not just get castrated! Chicks won’t even look at you if you don’t have a sweet ride.

Bob: Yeah, that’s the kind of girl I want to impress.

Buddy: You just don’t get it. Traditional cars represent power and sex! My ride tops out at 120 miles per hour. And yours?

Bob: It can go 105.

Buddy: Dude, that screams, “WHIPPED!”

Bob: How many times have you driven 105? Pretty sure that’s illegal.

Buddy: Never, but that’s not the point. It’s just knowing that you could.

Bob: My car makes no sound when it idles.

Buddy: Exactly! No vroom! Gotta have vroom. Chicks dig the vroom.

Bob: What if I got a CD that played racing car sounds.

Buddy: You’d still have a dorky car.

Bob: I dunno, with gas prices where they are, I’m pretty happy with the hybrid.

Buddy: You will never make up the extra money that car cost at the pump.

Bob: And you won’t get your money back on those subwoofers and chrome rims.

Buddy: Are you deliberately missing the point? Those are babe magnets! Eight cylinders! Four-wheel drive! Internal combustion! I like what that says about me.

Bob: What? That you don’t care about the planet or our involvement in the Middle East or our economy when the world runs out of oil to pump?

Buddy: Wow. You got it bad. You really need to stop reading the newspaper.

Bob: Look, I gotta run. Big date tonight. And you?

Buddy: Probably just watch some tube. I think “American Graffiti” is on.

Coal comfort. There’s big buzz surrounding the presidential candidacy of U.S. Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. He’s been billed as a refreshing voice for change – a potential statesman in a field of politicians stuck in the same old tar pit of narrow interests.

But when it comes to global warming and alternative fuels, it’s Obama who comes off as the parochial pol. He is among several members of Congress pushing for government subsidies aimed at turning coal into fuel for cars. He justifies this by saying his plan depends upon finding a way to eliminate the nasty carbon dioxide gases that would erupt from the production process. The prospects for that are dimmer than a mine shaft.

With so many promising breakthroughs with car batteries, biofuels and synthetic fuels, why would Obama back this? Because coal country is also rich in electoral votes.