Jan Quintrall: Keep the Christmas spirit — but keep your head, too

In the early ‘60s, I witnessed my mother toil over Holiday Cheer. Unfortunately, I, like many other women who experienced this undying display of dedication from their mothers, slowly learned to despise the performance pressure of “the season.” How?

Each year, I’d try to make everything perfect, just like my mother. Dozens of cookies and treats, huge natural tree with all the trimmings, special and plentiful gifts, party dresses, trips to the mountains, company celebrations, family gatherings, and airplane or car trips on top of all the preparation.

When Dec. 26 would hit, I’d inevitably be disappointed, certain that I had fallen short somewhere, perhaps didn’t have the impact with a gift I had wanted, was dismayed that others around me hadn’t put as much effort into my gift as I had theirs. I never felt like I was doing enough or the right things to make Christmas special for everyone in my circle during the holiday season.

Boy, did I lose the message of the season!

It has taken years for me to allow some of that holiday spirit back into my Decembers. My fiancée’s influence has been the largest factor in my transformation, as he is Mr. Christmas, but I also know that some of the dilemma and some of my problems surrounding the holidays were a result of outlandish expectations I was placing on myself and others. We live and we learn. And almost in a way of coming back to haunt me, in my position here at the BBB, I still see many unrealistic expectations at the core of most problems or issues we deal with on a daily basis between businesses and their customers.

In response to this revelation, and in hindsight, I offer some humble tips for a more satisfied holiday buying season:

“ Set a budget and stick to it. Be sure to include the cost of baking, postage, wrapping paper, and other items that never end up wrapped in a box or placed in a stocking. There is no sanity in paying for holiday purchases until June of next year.

“ Sit down and decide where your charity dollars and volunteer time will go so you are not tempted to simply hand money over to an unknown solicitor. Give, but give wisely.

“ Know your purchases! Just because someone or thing says the price is 50 percent off, be sure you are educated enough to know when a deal is a deal, and when it is not.

“ Be careful with electronic purchases that are priced much lower than others. You might be buying gray market items that are not covered by U.S. warranties, and this is not a good thing.

“ Know that you can’t buy happiness with a gift, this simply does not work.

“ Get gift receipts and know the refund and exchange policies before you buy. If shopping online, look for online policies and print them off so you have them to refer to in case of problems.

“ If you are a new family, rest assured, you can start your own traditions, and should.

And if you plan to make a purchase or two over the Internet, please take some time to do it right. If you plan to buy from a merchant you have not dealt with before, go to www.bbb.org before you place that order. A great-looking Web site does not guarantee a pleasant buying experience!

“ Remember, a guarantee is only as good as the company behind it.

“ If buying gifts on eBay or any other auction site be sure you use the third-party payment option.

“ If the online offer seems too good to be true, it probably is!

“ Don’t be “last-minute” and test delivery dates, order early to save potential grief.

“ Pay online using a credit card. It offers additional protections.

And, as we all head off into a sane holiday season, just a few closing thoughts:

“ It is our local merchants that contribute to this local economy, so buy local when you can.

“ Everyone is too busy this season, and finding good staff is tricky, so please, be patient.

“ Do not leave anything in your car you wouldn’t want stolen.

“ Slow down and smile. It works wonders! This is the season of wonder, no matter what you are celebrating.

“ Decide who and what is important to you for the right reasons.

And for those of you still trying to engineer that perfect holiday, it is simply not your responsibility. Take care of yourself, do not try to be everything to everybody, delegate some of the duties and even consider crossing some of them off that “way too long” list.

Spend more time playing with the new toys the kids got, lingering over coffee after a fine meal, sitting quietly by the fire with someone you love or watching the snow fall.

You can’t buy warm feelings, so, if you’ve been trying to, just stop trying, and, instead, have a happy, less stressful holiday.