A long time ago, the Chicago White Sox played in a place called Comiskey Park. Now, Paul Konerko smacks his home runs in U.S. Cellular Field, a baseball stadium ludicrously named after a cell phone service provider.

I only can imagine the embarrassment San Diego Padres closer Trevor Hoffman felt when he recorded his first save in PETCO Park. That sounds like a place you take your dog so he won’t mess on your living room carpet.

As silly as these stadium names are, I have mostly looked past the sponsorships and just enjoyed the game.

Even the Detroit Tigers’ own Comerica Park has grown on me.

But the other day, I finally said, “Enough is enough.”

Paleontologists uncovered the skeleton of a new dinosaur species, not unlike the apatosaurus, in Argentina.

Once assembled, the remains are among the largest ever found, coming in at more than 105 feet. A monster this size should bring only one thing to mind in awestruck children when they see it in a museum: energy efficiency.

That’s right, the massive reptile now bears the name Futalognkosaurus dukei, which means “Thanks for the dough, Duke Energy!”

The translation is not literal, with the former actually a combination of Mapuche Indian words meaning “giant chief.” But the “dukei” surname is indeed a reference to the energy company that helped finance the excavation.

Sports venues are one thing, but now corporate branding is leaving its mark on animals, albeit extinct ones.

When I was young, I wanted to work as a paleontologist in the hopes that one day I would unearth a complete Diplodocus, not a Del Monte Mixedfruitasaurus.

What happened to logically naming these beasts?

Tyrannosaurus equals “tyrant lizard.”

Triceratops equals “three-horned face.”

Ben & Jerry’s Mochachocolatesaurus equals “delicious.”

Now, I’ve never met Futalognkosaurus, but I can say with certainty that the name these people selected for him is a disgrace to his very existence. While alive, the poor guy probably was known as Federico. No doubt he was slick, a De Niro among dinos.

Now his bones are the corporate logo for a South American electric company.

It only will take a short time until we start naming our homes, our pets and our children after corporations.

So instead of a paleontologist, I’ll have grown up as a writer who lives in Gorton’s Fish Sticks Manor with his dog Vanilla Coke and his two children, Otter Pop and Belle Tire.