Jim Kershner: You may be scared now, but wait 30 years

A skinny 24-year-old with a full Wyoming beard was trying on his tuxedo.

He was, of course, an utter mess. He was about to get married. He did not know if it was the right thing to do, because he was the kind of guy who agonized over whether to buy a bicycle, much less whether to get married.

Was the bride right for him?

Was he right for the bride?

Was he too young to take this step?

Would this rob him of his freedom?

Would this “love” prove to be only an infatuation, soon to wear thin?

Would the next two hours set in motion a long downward spiral of emotional disaster, in ways he couldn’t even anticipate?

The kid was, clearly, a worrier.

That kid was me, almost exactly three decades ago. I started thinking about that nervous wreck of a groom on our 30th anniversary last Monday. I decided I needed to have a little talk with that guy, buck up his courage, put things into perspective based on perfect hindsight. Here’s what I would say to that kid:

First of all, get a grip.

You are not playing a part in a Greek tragedy. You are engaging in a celebration. Dozens of people are out there in the church right now, beaming with pleasure on your behalf. The least you could is smile a little, too. Now, button up that cummerbund and get happy.

Furthermore, you did not get to this point by accident. You got to this point because the two of you came to the conclusion that you could not bear to say goodbye to each other. The thought of being apart for even a little while, much less forever, was unthinkable. Love is famously hard to define, but at least one definition surely ought to be in the old Funk and Wagnall’s: Love – (noun) A state in which two people cannot tolerate the idea of living in different states.

Yes, I know, love is no guarantee of happiness. Furthermore, love is not guaranteed to last forever. I hate to say this, but luck will, without question, play a part in the success of this endeavor. (Hmm. I sense that this line of discussion is not helping.)

But you know what? You can’t wait around for a sure thing. Life doesn’t work that way. Take, for instance, the World Series (which the Yankees just won, by the way). It takes luck, not just talent, to win the World Series. Nobody wins the World Series without a succession of bloop singles, favorable calls and lucky breaks that happen at just the right time.

But would you decline to participate in the World Series just because there’s no guarantee you’ll be lucky enough to win? Of course you wouldn’t. So why would you hesitate to get married just because there is no guarantee this entire endeavor will all work out perfectly?

I emphasize the luck factor because I don’t want you to get all smug if things do work out. You and your bride may someday be able to take a little bit of credit if all goes well. But never forget that everybody rolls the dice when they get married; only about half, I would guess, are lucky enough to roll a winner.

Yet if you go into this thing with the proper attitude – and by that, I mean the attitude that your marriage is more important than your job, your friends and even your fly-fishing habit – then the odds are at least favorable that your marriage will turn out to be a comfort and blessing.

You will never lack for a counselor to help you through hard times. You will never lack for a companion. You will never lack for a friend to confide in, a friend to console, and a friend who understands you better than you understand yourself.

Soon, cummerbund-boy, the two of you will stand at that altar and begin a lifetime of standing together through every twist and turn of your lives. Happiness is notoriously hard to define, but I think they should stick that definition in the old Funk & Wagnall’s.

So, buck up, buddy. I know you’re nervous, insecure and swept up in this frightening thing called marriage. But who knows? Maybe in 30 years you’ll think of this as the smartest thing you ever did.

You could get lucky.