Mom’s act not welcome
Dear Annie: I’ve been married eight years, and the entire time there have been problems between my mother and my husband. I’m used to my mother’s rude, disrespectful ways, but my husband is not.
To avoid constant criticism and bickering, we limit our contact with her. Mom complained about this, and I politely explained why she sees less of us. Of course, this didn’t help because she sees nothing wrong with her behavior. She said my husband made me say these things, and he’s the one keeping us away from her. She refuses to see it’s her own doing.
I’ve learned that Mom has cried to the rest of my family about how horrible my husband is, never missing an opportunity to badmouth him. I don’t see the rest of my family very often, and I hate to think they believe my mom. She can be very convincing. My main concern is that she’ll talk that way around my 6-year-old daughter, and I don’t think that would be good.
It’s a shame that honest discussion has never helped, and avoiding her is what works best. Should I suggest she talk to a therapist, or are some people just naturally unpleasant to be around? – Midwest Mess
Dear Midwest: Oh, absolutely, some people are just naturally unpleasant, which doesn’t mean therapy won’t help them, but they are unlikely to recognize the need for it and do the necessary work to make it successful. You could ask your mother to go to therapy with you, together, to work on your problems. Still, it will help to keep in touch with the rest of the family so they can get to know your husband the way you do. And, if Mom says one negative thing about your husband to his child, you should remove the girl from her presence and inform Mom that there will be no more visits with her granddaughter unless she can behave.
Dear Annie: A very close relative is a kleptomaniac. She has stolen items from us, as well as from others in our family. I have caught her going through drawers and cabinets.
It would be very awkward not to have her visit with the rest of the family, even though it upsets us every time she leaves and we find things missing. We would appreciate any suggestions you might have. – Ripped Off
Dear Ripped Off: Your relative has a mental health issue and should be evaluated by a professional. In the meantime, you can have family gatherings outside your home – at a restaurant, park, community center, etc. And if you insist on entertaining her in your house, lock your cabinets and move your valuables into your bedroom and lock the door. We hope that helps.