‘Favorite’ child not necessarily more cherished
Dear Annie: I am 48 years old, and my brother is a year older. I have always helped my parents with everything. When I was 13 and my grandparents became ill, I did all the housecleaning, yard work and food shopping for them. Now I am always the one who runs to my parents’ house anytime they need me.
My brother does very little because he lives far away. I guess I always did these things to win approval from my parents. Growing up, my brother was always everyone’s favorite, but I thought when we became adults my parents would view us as equals.
Yesterday, Dad had surgery, and both my brother and I were there. When Dad finally woke up, he was glad to see me, but when he saw my brother, he said, “Oh, my favorite is here!” It hit me like a rock. After all these years, he prefers my brother to me.
I didn’t stay at the hospital long. I wanted to get away before I cried. Why would he do this? He is 74 years old and he needs me, but I don’t want to see him now because he hurt me so much.
What should I do? Should I ignore the comment and keep being the good child? I don’t want to mention the comment to my mother because she’ll get angry and yell at my father. I need some guidance. – Little Sister
Dear Sister: A child can be a “favorite,” but that doesn’t always mean he or she is appreciated more than another child. And it’s not uncommon for parents to value the child they see less often, because visits are so rare. Please try to forgive your father for the attention he gave your brother. When he is feeling better, you should discuss this with him directly and see if you can help him understand why his comment hurt so much.
Dear Annie: My son and I read the letter from “Perplexed in Pennsylvania,” whose annual party is ruined because “Ed” brings his own bottle and proceeds to become drunk, rude and obnoxious.
We think they should videotape Ed at the next party. Give him the tape privately, and tell him if he can’t behave, he won’t be invited in the future. – Palmetto, Fla.
Dear Palmetto: They’ve already tried talking to him, but a videotape might provide more compelling evidence. If not, we agree he shouldn’t be invited back.