Carolyn Hax: Wait it out if she’s the one

Dear Carolyn: Last night I had a very serious discussion with my girlfriend. We haven’t seen each other in two months because she’s been so overwhelmed with work (she got a major promotion in September, and she’s essentially on the job 24/7). She admits with great regret and guilt that she doesn’t really have time for a relationship, and openly accepts that she’s at fault for our relationship sliding. She also offered me an “out,” because she feels I deserve someone who can devote the time that she presently can’t. The thing is, though, neither of us really wants to break it off, and I had said a while back that I was willing to wait this out with her. Do I wait in hopes that her job will ease up, or do I cut my losses and move on? – Maryland

Since the alternative is that she broke up with you and you broke up with reality, I’ll take your word for it that her promotion to the BioDome is all-consuming.

Would you wait out Peace Corps service, a military deployment, a hitch on a political campaign? How many tours would you stand?

If this stage of her career is just that, a stage, then a breakup would be shortsighted. No round-the-clock work situation is sustainable. Either she’ll master the job or burn out.

Besides, you don’t say that you feel disrespected, or that she’s pulling away – you say (again, I’ll assume nondelusionally) that you both want to stay together. So, stay together. Until you don’t want to.

In the meantime, ask what she’s thinking long term. There are people whose work is part of them, and others for whom it’s a means to an end. She may not even know which she is, but it sounds like both of you need to find out.

Dear Carolyn: Can you settle an argument? My stepbrother is getting married this summer. The couple has asked my 5-year-old to be in the wedding as the flower girl. However, they have decided they “do not want children” at the wedding and are not inviting my 7-year-old. My entire family is invited. How do I explain the exclusion to my son (who, by the way, is very close to the groom)? – Perplexed in New Jersey

Apparently there’s a rule that brides and grooms have to prove they’ve lost their minds.

Maybe there needs to be a rule for the people they hurt: Don’t respond in kind.

You’re upset about your son’s exclusion, which is understandable.

Instead of protesting the bigger decision, which you have no standing to reverse, gently reverse the smaller one, in which you do have standing: You and your husband enjoy the wedding, and hire a sitter for both of your kids. Your daughter can forgo 15 seconds of fame so your son doesn’t get hurt.