One big move can’t solve this mess

So John McLaren was fired for … moving Ichiro Suzuki back to right field?

No, it can’t be.

Even the Seattle Mariners can’t be that dysfunctional.

The heads continued to roll Thursday at Safeco Field, where the Mariners prepared to board a bus to the airport and a charter flight to Atlanta, next stop on their road trip into hopelessness. The “all aboard” announcement went out. The M’s gathered up their Vertu Assent Ferrari cell phones, their Xexoo gold-plated iPods, their Tulip Ego Diamond laptops and shuffled toward the door. And then a voice boomed over the intercom, “Not so fast, McLaren.”

In less than a full season, the John McLaren era is over in Seattle – the shortest of any non-interim manager in club history other than Maury Wills, and if that doesn’t speak to the general disarray of the franchise, then nothing does.

The interim general manager, Lee Pelekoudas – himself only three days on the job – gave McLaren the word Thursday morning that he’d be spared any more humiliations.

“John took it hard,” Pelekoudas said.

John apparently doesn’t know what’s good for him.

Jim Riggleman, McLaren’s bench coach this season and – except for a lone wild-card 1998 season – thoroughly undistinguished in seven years as a manager with the Padres and Cubs, will fill out the lineup card the rest of the season.

“We thought the players needed a different voice,” Pelekoudas said.

Well, yes.

Also new swings, new pitching deliveries, new attitudes.

Some mostly need new addresses.

Nonetheless, Mendoza line denizens Richie Sexson and Jose Vidro were very much on the manifest to Atlanta, ownership – and now Pelekoudas – still not willing to send any substantive message to the workforce that their miserable performances subject them to any alterations whatsoever in their playing status.

Yes, surely, something is bound to happen with Sexson or Vidro or both, but why not sooner than later? Do the Mariners truly think there’s a market for either of these rally killers nearer the trading deadline that will net them anything better than a liverwurst sandwich in return?

The only possible answer is that Pelekoudas is aware of the statistical inevitability that whenever the M’s do part with their unproductive baggage, those players will be picked up and start stinging the ball or firing strikes for their new clubs. For instance, tonight in Atlanta the M’s will face Jorge Campillo, who accomplished less than nothing in a couple of years in Seattle’s organization but is now 2-1 with a 2.17 ERA as a starter and reliever with the Braves. Other examples available on request.

SoMuch for SoDo Mojo.

Thus, by hanging on to their stiffs as long as possible, the M’s can delay looking even worse.

That still doesn’t answer the question of why McLaren wasn’t handcuffed to Bill Bavasi when the organization decided to hurl its general manager overboard on Monday. The only thing that’s changed in the interim is Ichiro’s switch back to right field – and Pelekoudas moving into a new office.

If you’re thinking that perhaps the front-office Heckle and Jeckle of Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong wanted McLaren gone, but that Bavasi refused to fire him and so they installed someone who would, think again. Armstrong told reporters Thursday that he and Lincoln had decided to retain McLaren, but that it was Pelekoudas who talked them out of it.

Well, good for Pelekoudas. There seems to be at least one clue germinating in the Safeco petri dish.

Bavasi cobbled together a ballclub void of leaders and strong personalities beyond their playing deficiencies, which rather unluckily all managed to be revealed together. Likewise, McLaren failed to instill in the Mariners a philosophy on how he wanted them to play – he preached about plate patience in the spring, yet it never took hold – and became a cartoon with his ever-changing rationales and policies.

For example, he briefly cut the legs out from catcher Kenji Johjima by allowing Erik Bedard his own designated receiver in Jamie Burke – then changed directions the other day, snapping that such an arrangement “hadn’t worked anyway.”

Of course, Lincoln and Armstrong basically pulled the same stunt in being talked into the manager’s firing. So any dispute that wishy-washiness isn’t an organizational malaise can now be dismissed.

Just as dubious was McLaren’s decision to restore Ichrio to his old position. Short term, it serves no particular purpose but to put a smile on the player’s face. Long term, it’s a card Pelekoudas can’t play – corner positions are precious as a way to acquire offensive power, and now one of them is once again being filled by a singles hitter who refuses to take a pitch for a walk.

And yet Pelekoudas said he was “fine with it. It doesn’t change any plans moving forward at this point.”

Right. That would require there be a plan.