Annie’s Mailbox: Grieving mom needs company

Tue., March 25, 2008

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: My father died suddenly of complications following surgery. We are all very upset, but my mother is suffering most of all. She and Dad did everything together. They were best friends and never wavered in their love for each other throughout their 42 years.

I have one sibling, a 36-year-old brother who is an alcoholic and recovering heroin addict. He is on methadone. While Dad was in the hospital, my brother and I had a terrible fight. I can honestly say he started it. He is bipolar and not taking his medication and flies off the handle at the drop of a hat.

Today, my brother asked Mom if he could move back in with her. He says he’ll live in a camper in her yard, even though he’ll have no running water or other basic necessities. I object to this because he is not going to make Mom’s life easier.

He will disrupt things just like he did when he was younger. My mom’s television would not be hers, her kitchen would not stay clean, and she’d have more laundry and headaches to deal with.

Am I wrong to object? Dad would not allow my brother to live there, and I think Mom should honor Dad’s intentions. I’m looking like the bad guy here. – Trying To Protect Mom

Dear Trying: You are right to be worried, but ultimately, this is not your decision to make. Although he may indeed become a burden, your brother also is company at a time when Mom is lonely and vulnerable to his request to move in.

Discuss your concerns lovingly with your mother, and see if she is fearful of your brother and needs your help to keep him away. If not, you will have to let her make up her own mind and try to accept the result graciously. (And please resist the urge to say “I told you so” when things go south. She’ll need your support.)

Dear Annie: You’ve printed a lot of letters from older people who seem to have a hard time finding relationships. Someone should develop a dating Web site for people 50 and above. Of course, you have to be careful, but I know there is someone out there for almost everyone. My son met a great gal online.

Why can’t there be a dating site specifically for the over-50 crowd that is monitored and safe? I don’t have the expertise to accomplish this, but I’m sure someone does. Our senior citizens deserve to find love. – Compassionate for Their Plea in Louisiana

Dear Louisiana: Actually, there are such sites, and we’ll recommend one: SeniorFriendFinder.com.

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.