May be barren but not unfeeling

While I’m away, I’m letting you give the advice. The following are readers’ opinions on issues they’ve seen in the column:

On infertility:

Not all of us dealing with infertility are incapable of hearing about, celebrating and enjoying others’ pregnancies. I completely understand women who are having difficulty – but pay attention to the woman before deciding to keep her out of the loop.

I’m tired of having ultrasound pictures hidden from me as I walk into a room. I just learned of a faraway relation’s pregnancy three days after the birth of her child because people “couldn’t bear” to tell me she was pregnant. What a crock. I love kids. I do not begrudge anyone the joy of having them, anticipating them, celebrating them. People, if you’re close enough to know a person is having fertility issues, you’re close enough to ask “Do you want to see/be invited/hear about … ” in relation to baby stuff. Thank you. – Anywhere

No no, thank you.

On what makes a marriage last:

My wife and I celebrated our 40th anniversary last Sunday. What did we do? Nothing special. We exchanged cards (hers was funny; mine serious). I bought her flowers (she loves fresh-cut flowers). We went out to dinner to a restaurant we had not been to in many years. We had a couple of drinks, talked about our children, the changes in the restaurant, the fact that it didn’t use tablecloths, etc. We were home about 9 p.m. Watched some TV. Went to bed. It was great! I love being with her.

I’ve always respected my wife. She is the most intelligent woman I know. She has a sharp mind and grasps concepts almost immediately. She is a professional in a field that I would never enter (education, but she is not a teacher or administrator. My profession involved creative endeavors). But when she discusses her work with me, I am fascinated. Her mind is organized. She has a certain way she tells a story that really makes you want to hear it to the end. She’s a problem-solver and will tackle a job immediately while I tend to procrastinate until I am under a tremendous deadline.

We talk a lot. Sometimes we chat for a couple of hours. Sometimes the topics are inane, sometimes they aren’t. We both like to read so we will sit in our respective chairs and not say a word for a couple of hours.

Why has our marriage survived while others have not? Damned if I know. She’s my best friend. I would sooner be with her than anyone else. I still get warm, fuzzy feelings when I see her enter a room full of people. I often sit back and think about how lucky I am.

I think part of our success has been because we come from similar backgrounds. Her family was poor. So was mine. She worked her way through college. So did I. We met in the Peace Corps. We have similar values. We’ve had our differences. We do not get sick of each other. We rarely argue. We have never had a major fight. How do you know someone is the right one?

You don’t. But if you’re lucky, you’ll find someone to be happy with. – Anonymous

Standing, clapping, adding nothing.