Facing families not always an opportunity

On several occasions in recent weeks I’ve had the opportunity to hear stories from young gay men and lesbians about coming out to their families, in particular their parents. I’m not sure, though, that “opportunity” is accurate nomenclature in this case. The stories can be heartbreaking.

One young man fought against himself through all of high school, knowing he was gay but scared to face what his family and his faith professed was immoral. On graduation day he’d finally had enough and talked frankly with his mom. She didn’t speak to him for the whole of his graduation party. For months afterward, she refused to acknowledge her son’s homosexuality.

Denial is a common theme when gays and lesbians share stories of family dynamics. It’s often easier for parents to pretend their son or daughter just has “good friends” who are the same sex and with whom they spend most of their free time.

A young nursing student spent several weeks in a sketchy living situation when she was kicked out of her childhood home the night she came out to her parents. That was a year ago. She shared her story recently with other students, hoping that when they graduate as healthcare professionals they will keep in mind what their patients might be enduring.

When LGBT teenagers in Eastern Washington and Northern Idaho are shunned by their families, they often find their way to Odyssey Youth Center. I’ve written many times before of the good work Odyssey does for the kids of our community. Now, along with PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) Spokane, the center is reaching out to parents.

The two groups are hosting a Parents Forum on Saturday, Nov. 1, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. The gathering will be a safe space for parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth to ask questions, talk with other parents and find out about local resources for their children.

Odyssey Executive Director Sandy Williams said the motivation for the forum comes from recognizing that “by improving family relationships and providing more ways to involve parents in the lives of their LGBTQ children we could dramatically decrease the emotional and psychological stress that our youth often feel.”

I remember learning many years after coming out to my mom that she only shared with one person in her life that my roommate was in fact my girlfriend. It was then that I understood parents can feel similar kinds of emotional and psychological stress as their kids. In essence, they have to come out, too. And they need a safe place to do it.

Odyssey can be that place.