Affair aside, you need help

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for three years, and we both teach at the same high school. Last semester, a new female teacher took quite a liking to my husband, who is 20 years her senior. They began meeting a few times a week for several months. Their affair was obvious, but I confirmed it by accessing his cell phone records. To make matters worse, they were not discreet and were the talk of both the faculty and students.

I cannot begin to describe the pain, humiliation and betrayal. I believe they stopped contacting each other over the summer, but school has started up again and my husband sees this woman every day. Even if they are not involved romantically, I believe she has a strong adverse effect on his mood. There is no way our marriage can survive this interference, but I wholeheartedly believe we can get past this if she is not in the picture.

Being a new teacher, she has no job protection. Should I go to the administration, expose the affair and get her fired? My husband may suffer a little but will survive relatively unscathed. – Not Teacher’s Pet

Dear Not: We hope you are not blaming this young woman entirely for the affair. Your husband made the decision to cheat and acted on it. You can give him the choice of reporting the affair to the administration, taking a leave of absence or finding another position. Either way, please get some counseling because you have a lot of trust to rebuild, regardless of what happens to this woman.

Dear Annie: I really feel for “Shell-Shocked,” whose wife left him out of the blue. My wife did the same thing to me after 12 years of marriage. She threatened to take the kids away if I fought her, so I allowed the divorce to happen quickly. She refused counseling and started seeing other men even before the divorce was final.

I helped start her successful business, shared household duties, took care of the kids, bought her flowers for no reason, never missed a birthday, etc. Our friends and family were shocked and saddened. The kids and I have been in counseling ever since.

Her behavior was so selfish and callous that I can’t believe this is the person I married. But I am not giving up. Somewhere out there are good people with a sense of commitment, trust and honor. The joy of a good marriage is remaining faithful and kind and working at it every day. – Getting Over It

Dear Getting: It sounds like you are already on the mend. Good luck to you.