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Annie’s Mailbox: Share concerns about dad’s dating

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer three years ago, and she recently passed away. She was a wonderful woman, and she and my father had a loving 31-year marriage.

It hasn’t even been a month since Mom died, and my dad has already signed up for online dating networks. He is very co-dependent and wants to find someone to be intimate with, who will also clean his house and take care of him like our mother did.

My sister and I think it would be good for Dad to meet someone in a few months, but right now it feels like he’s jumping into the dating pool too soon. We’re concerned someone might take advantage of him financially because he’s not thinking clearly. He hasn’t grieved much since her death, and we believe he might be trying to fill the void instead of dealing with his feelings. Should we approach him about this or let him do what he wants regardless of the consequences? – Missing Mom in Missouri

Dear Missouri: You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders. Widowers, in particular, often look for companionship immediately after their spouse dies because they do not like being alone and have always had someone to take care of them. It’s also possible your father has been quietly grieving for three years and is ready to get out there again.

Talk to him about your concerns. Tell him you understand why he wants to meet someone and you are all in favor, but unfortunately, there are women who prey upon vulnerable, lonely men and you want to be sure he is protected. Ask him not to rush into anything and to let you get to know the women he is dating. Then keep a close eye on the situation.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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