Marital problems must be addressed

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Our problems started to surface in the last six months. My husband said I had a “bad side,” so I went into counseling because I didn’t like that part of my personality.

After my counselor mentioned PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), I did a lot of research and started taking supplements. I also saw my primary care physician to rule out a hormonal imbalance and depression. She prescribed an antidepressant that I can take on an as-needed basis.

Here’s what’s bothering me. What if it’s not me? What if it is really the relationship that needs fixing? You would think after 19 years of living with somebody there would not be any secrecy or withholding of information because one of us is afraid of how the other will react. But now I fear I’ve damaged our marriage beyond repair. What can I do? – Moody in Kansas

Dear Kansas: You can stop jumping to conclusions. If you have a hormonal imbalance, PMDD, depression or other treatable condition, medication will help enormously and your husband should be thrilled. If there are other problems in the relationship, they won’t disappear because you are afraid to talk about them. You must have the courage to communicate honestly so these issues can be dealt with.

Long-term emotional upheaval can be corrosive to a marriage, but you have an opportunity to make things better. Please ask your husband to come with you for counseling so he can understand what is happening and you can work on it together.

Dear Annie: We know from experience, sobriety takes time. Eventually, “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” will be able to be comfortable in places where alcohol is served, but until then, he is wise to keep away. What we found helpful was to tell co-workers ahead of time that we could only stay for a short while, and then enjoy a soda and leave. This way, we make the attempt to socialize but have given ourselves an out if we start to feel the urge to drink. – Understanding