He wants Cougars job

Dear Jim Sterk, hire me as the Cougars’ football coach, and here’s my game plan: We completely eliminate our offense!

Whenever we get the ball, we immediately punt on first down. Never an offensive turnover, and we’ll instantly gain much better field position via, with apologies to Forrest Gump, “punt, Forrest, punt!” as Reid is by far our best offensive player.

To score, we’ll fully rely on our defense to create and return fumbles or intercepted passes all the way back for touchdowns. If we don’t score that way, and we are close enough, we’ll immediately just kick a field goal on first down. Can’t risk an immediate turnover, remember? Otherwise, if we’re not that close, we’ll just punt it.

Our recruiting program will be greatly simplified and focused entirely on getting good defensive players, i.e. Rien Long, Will Derting, Marcus Trufant, Matt Mullenix, etc., hard-nosed and talented types. And of course, getting the best punter and field goal kicker possible.

So what do you think, Jim? Am I hired?

Jeff Clausen

Spokane