Annie’s Mailbox: Cousin gets petty over belated card

Dear Annie: My wife’s 84-year-old mother lives with us. My wife’s cousin, “Erma,” lives two hours away and occasionally sends letters and newspaper clippings to Mom to keep her updated on happenings in the old hometown. Erma is also very punctual with cards on special occasions. Mom reciprocates by calling her often and sending cards of her own.

Recently, Mom lost her only sibling. Two weeks after the funeral, Erma celebrated her birthday. Mom sent a birthday card, but it was a week late. My wife, admittedly not a card person, called Erma to wish her a happy birthday and left a message inviting her to our home for dinner. There was no response.

A few days later, a letter arrived from Erma, saying she was very hurt not to receive a birthday card on time. My wife tried to explain that no one forgot her birthday, but circumstances were difficult and an effort was made to celebrate it later. Erma responded that she “doesn’t believe in late birthday cards,” and that even though she is busy, she always finds time to write to Mom.

Isn’t this a petty and childish way to treat an 84-year-old who just lost a family member? – Shocked Hubby

Dear Shocked: You bet. Erma sounds very self-centered and unable to put herself in someone else’s shoes. She thinks her prompt birthday greetings make her special and, as a result, expects others to put her first, regardless of their circumstances. She can’t help who she is, however, so please let your wife and mother-in-law handle her as they choose. You should stay out of it.