Knowing when to say ‘no’ is important

Dear Mr. Dad: I feel like when I spend time with my 2-year-old, I’m constantly telling him “no!” Is there some way I can enforce boundaries without being so negative?

A: It’s no wonder that one of the first words most kids learn to say is “no.” After all, it’s the word they hear the most – even more than mommy, daddy, or their own name.

Since 2-year olds are on a mission to destroy everything in their path, hearing “no” is important. But the problem with “no” is that it eventually becomes background noise and our kids tune us out.

And when it comes to health and safety issues, that’s the last thing we want.

You have all sorts of legitimate reasons for saying “no” to your son. But in most cases, there are more positive ways to accomplish your goal.

Let’s say he wants a cookie right before dinner. Instead of saying “no,” you could get the same point across by saying something like, “You can have a cookie after dinner.”

When responding to your child’s requests (and demands), always remember the most important rule of parenting: choose your battles.

For example, if he wants to dump dirty laundry on the floor and then throw it back into the hamper, who cares? That may not be your idea of spending quality time together, but as long as he’s not endangering anyone or anything, just sit back and marvel at the things that will entertain a toddler.

And if you’re reading a book with your son, and he suddenly jumps off your lap and starts playing with blocks, fight the instinct to say, “No, we’re in the middle of reading.” As important as reading is, playing can sometimes be more fun.

A lot of the “no’s” we toss around are designed to prevent our kids from doing something inappropriate or dangerous. Obviously, safety should be your top concern. But is he really in mortal danger every time you bark “no”?

Take the common toddler pastime of throwing food. Rather than the easy “no,” try explaining why you want him to stop what he’s doing (“food is for eating, not throwing” or “throwing food wastes it and makes a mess.”)

If necessary, offer a warning (“if you throw your food again, dinner will be over and you’ll be one hungry little guy.”)

If you follow through on you threats, there’s a good chance that he’ll listen to you next time. Or the time after that.