Annie’s Mailbox: Cuddling better than no sex at all

Mon., Jan. 24, 2011

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Chester” for 10 years. For the past eight, he has avoided sex. We are both in our late 40s, and Chester’s health problems make performing in the bedroom nearly impossible. Consequently, he refuses to so much as touch me for fear I might expect more.

Chester won’t ask his doctor about it, which isn’t fair to me. I have stayed with him because I still love him. I try to ignore the lack of intimacy, but I’m not sure how much longer I can do it. Any advice? – Feeling Alone in Illinois

Dear Illinois: Many men are embarrassed to discuss erectile dysfunction, but rest assured, the doctor has heard it all before. Talk to Chester, explain how sad you are that he isn’t willing to consider your happiness, and ask him again to see his doctor. Let him know that simple cuddling would be an improvement.

You also can ask your gynecologist for suggestions. It’s possible that, due to Chester’s various medical problems, there isn’t much that can be done, in which case, we hope there are other aspects of the marriage that make it worthwhile. Sex isn’t everything.

Dear Annie: I read your response to “Very Unsure,” the woman whose husband was seen having lunch with a female in a cozy booth on the edge of town. The husband’s calendar indicated he had a dentist appointment.

You said it could be “an innocent flirtation.” Since when is it innocent for a married man to meet another woman for a private lunch where he holds her hand, kisses her goodbye and lies about it? It is cheating. – Call a Spade a Spade

Dear Spade: By “innocent,” we mean he is not necessarily having an affair, and the cozy meeting could have been all there was to it. But the lying is disturbing, and it’s time for “Unsure” to have a long discussion with her wayward husband.

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