Arrow-right Camera

The Spokesman-Review Newspaper The Spokesman-Review

Monday, July 13, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
Clear Night 54° Clear
News >  Features

Subdued send-off to trial best

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is due to have a civil trial fairly soon. Neither he nor I believe the charges against him are true. I want to send him a note wishing him the best during the trial, but given the serious nature of the event, I feel “good luck” is too cheerful. What is an appropriate thing to say to him?

GENTLE READER: Well, yes, “good luck” does sound a bit as if luck is what it will take to resolve the issue. Miss Manners would think that “You are obviously not at fault, and surely anyone can see that” would be more gratifying.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are having a church wedding that can accommodate many guests, but our reception is limited to 100 guests.

I want to send out two different sets of invitations, one set for wedding-only guests that will make no mention of any reception, and one for the wedding/reception guests that will obviously give all the information.

I have read mixed reviews on whether this is appropriate. However, I would rather take the chance of offending someone by inviting them to the wedding only, than not inviting them at all because I couldn’t accommodate them at the reception.

GENTLE READER: There is tradition behind that idea. There is even a proper form: The invitation is to the wedding only, and a separate card for the reception is enclosed – or not.

Miss Manners, Guardian of Tradition, begs you not to do this. It was a bad tradition, clearly separating the A list from the B list. You are mistaken that it would not be offensive to be asked to witness your marriage but not to celebrate it with you. The scene on the church steps, when some people realized that others were off to enjoy champagne while they were dismissed, would not be pretty.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,; to her email, dearmissmanners@; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Local journalism is essential.

The journalists of The Spokesman-Review are a part of the community. They live here. They work here. They care. You can help keep local journalism strong right now with your contribution. Thank you.

Subscribe to the Coronavirus newsletter

Get the day’s latest Coronavirus news delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.

Swedish Thoracic Surgery: Partners in patient care

 (Courtesy Bergman Draper Oslund Udo)

Matt Bergman knows the pain and anger that patients with mesothelioma feel.