Wedding Guest Management

Orchestrating seating charts and finalizing the DJ playlist are tough enough, but, thanks to their nearest and dearest, sometimes brides and grooms are forced to face extra-tricky situations. From nixing uninvited guests to including former flings in your festivities, here are the solutions to four of the more troublesome potential people problems. No Unnamed Plus-Ones In a perfect world, everyone would know that the only people invited to a wedding are those who are named on the invite envelope/s, says Nancy Mattia, senior articles editor for Brides magazine. Simply, no plus-ones unless explicitly stated. However, occasionally folks who are inexperienced with weddings or unaware of etiquette will write additional names or “possible plus-one” on their reply card. In these instances, you need to call the person directly and apologize for any misunderstanding, but then politely explain that due to financial and/or space constraints, you simply can’t accommodate additional guests for anyone, says Elise Mac Adam, author of “Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone In Between” (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2008). “But don’t bother explaining to them how the names-on-envelopes rule works unless they really push the point,” she says. “No one likes getting an unsolicited lesson in manners.” No Kids Allowed Again, parents should understand that their children aren’t on the guest list if their names aren’t on the invite; that said, announcing that children aren’t invited to the wedding and/or the rehearsal dinner on your invitation or your website can come off as harsh, Mac Adam warns. Instead, to avoid both hurt feelings and surprises, Mattia advises having a personal conversation with each parent, in which you state your reasons - the budget, space limitations, etc. - and explain that to avoid offending others, you simply can’t play favorites. Uninviting a Guest According to Mac Adam, there isn’t actually a correct way to disinvite a guest: “It will pretty much always be extremely hurtful or rude, and will likely cement a permanent end to the friendship.” If the reason is that you had a fight with the person, Mattia advises taking the high road and inviting them anyway - as a result, the invitee might make things easy on you by sending their “regrets.” If the reason is that your budget suddenly got cut in half, Mattia suggests still doing everything you can to include everyone who received a save-the-date. “You can always get a less expensive cake, skip the favors and hire a cheaper DJ instead of a 12-piece band.”