Carolyn Hax: Sisters missed mom’s final days

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On siblings who don’t help with an elderly parent’s care: I am one of three sisters. When our father died 12 years ago, I became my mother’s lifeline, mainly because I live the closest to her.

Five years ago she was moved from her apartment into assisted living and it was very hard for her being confined to one room. I became the “sole” family caregiver. My two sisters would simply say, if you need help, just let me know. I got angrier and angrier as time went on until my husband suggested (strongly) that I just let it go and give to my mom what time and effort I could. Her last two years were very special to me. We shared in little things, laughed a lot, cried some. I learned things about her life that I had not known before. On her last day we received a call that her death was getting close and my husband and I went to be with her. I called my sisters, who told me they didn’t need to come because they had said their goodbyes. I had the privilege of stroking her cheek, telling her I loved her and would miss her. I had the privilege of hearing her try to speak and to see a single tear run down her cheek.

My anger is gone now and all I feel is sadness that my sisters missed so much joy they could have had during Mother’s last days. I will never understand their behavior, but I guess I don’t have to. – M.