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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Wedding is no place for macabre

Judith Martin And Jacobina Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancé has a skull collection and has found a bride/groom skull set he would like to use as our wedding cake topper.

I am unopposed to this and see humor in it. My mother feels this is very inappropriate and might offend some guests.

I would like to support my fiancé and not allow my mother to intrude on our wedding planning, but I am unsure if indeed this is rude, and if I should take my mother’s advice.

GENTLE READER: Aside from the disturbing symbolism of a dead couple on a wedding cake, who wants to eat cake with bones in it?

Miss Manners is as appalled by this as she is by the idea that your mother shouldn’t have any say in “your” wedding. Your mother is correct in thinking that this will upset guests and will hardly be worth whatever humor you might find in it.

Be assured that there will be many ways to support your prospective husband that you need not make public. Start applying them now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to mention in a Christmas note with a card that your husband left? Some people I will be sending cards to do not know and will wonder why just one signature.

GENTLE READER:? Suppose you received a card saying, “Merry Christmas, my husband left me”? What would you reply?

Miss Manners would have thought that social media postings had eliminated the impulse to fold sad announcements into holiday greetings. Those to whom you are close can be told in a letter or telephone call.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.