Annie’s Mailbox: Husband won’t stop flirting with other women

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our 60s. Recently, he hugged a new neighbor and kissed her on the cheek. She is our age and divorced. We don’t know her well at all. I was shocked, embarrassed and angry.

I commented later, asking my husband if he hugged and kissed any of the other women (all married) in our group of friends. He thinks I’m being ridiculous. But he has done similar things in the past whenever there’s a new female around. It’s like he can’t help it. He becomes completely obsessed with the “new girl.”

We’ve been married a long time. I told him he should always act like a married man and that his flirtatious behavior makes me feel terrible and I don’t want to experience it anymore. I’m in shape and attractive. I’ve thought about doing something to make my husband jealous to see how he reacts. Right now, I’m fed up and considering a divorce so I can enjoy the rest of my life. What’s the deal? – Fed Up in Music City

Dear Fed Up: It sounds like your husband is feeling his age and finds that something “new” makes him feel young and frisky again. This is only threatening to your marriage if he acts on these impulses with more than hugs and cheek kisses, and the woman reacts with equal interest. The next step is entirely up to you.

You cannot force your husband to change unless he recognizes the need and is willing. So, knowing that these flirtations go no further, can you tolerate them? Is this the only sore spot in your marriage? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Would you be willing to get counseling (with or without him) to work on the issue? Do you really want to leave him over this? Often, the decisions we make when we are angry or frustrated turn out to be regretted. Please give the situation a great deal of thought before you act, and consider your options carefully.