Annie’s Mailbox: Checked-out dad could be worse than none

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Bob” for 11 years. Once we had our son, “Jack,” everything changed. Bob found excuses not to be home, worked all kinds of overtime or had to “go somewhere.” I can count on one hand the times he did anything with Jack or was even home on a weekend during our son’s first five years.

Jack is now 8 and has no real relationship with his father and no desire for one. When he was little and asked where Daddy was, I covered for Bob, but now that Jack is older, he knows what’s what.

Things continue to get worse. Bob accepts no responsibility for his son. He makes nearly twice my salary but won’t give me a dime toward Jack’s clothes, shoes or school supplies, let alone birthday presents, although he wants his name on the gifts. He even tries to get out of paying for groceries and baby-sitters. Bob pays the mortgage and the taxes. Everything else is my responsibility. I carry Jack on my health insurance.

I also don’t like to leave Jack alone with his father. If anything goes wrong, Bob blames Jack and ends up hollering at him for ridiculous things like forgetting to turn off a light or not wanting to go to the store with him, and then lays a guilt trip on the boy, saying, “Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

I have tried talking to Bob about this. He refuses counseling, saying he doesn’t need anyone to tell him how to raise his kid.

I sometimes think Jack and I would be better off on our own. Any advice? – Sinking Ship in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Bob withholds funds for the support of his family and either neglects or yells at his son. These things can be interpreted as forms of abuse. Bob has no interest in counseling because he has no interest in being a better father. Sometimes leaving this type of situation is healthier than staying. Please get counseling for yourself and for Jack and decide your best course of action.