Paper notes unwelcome in digital era
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends have made it very clear that they no longer answer their house phones, nor do they check their email accounts.
My wife works out of town and we travel as a couple a great deal, for business and pleasure. In an effort to plan an event or mark a change in their lives, we have resorted to personal notes.
The results have been disappointing at best. Often we are met with silence, and, on a number of occasions, with anger.
It appears we are to play telephone tag or text their cellphones with invitations or remembrances of major events in their lives. The passing of family, pets, jobs or other events can all be handled in less than 140 characters.
Did we miss the memo: Have our lives become so busy and tied to a cellphone that an attempt to express sympathy, compassion or extend an invitation is to be derided as belonging to another era?
GENTLE READER: By your own account, you have resorted to personal notes not because you believe in a more graceful way of communicating, but rather because no one is answering your emails and home voice mails.
Miss Manners sympathizes and suggests that this form the basis of your response to those who object to your handwritten missives.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter (age 27) and I had a debate about returning texts. If someone texts her to see how her studies are going, my daughter says she doesn’t have time to respond to every such text.
I feel that anytime someone takes the time to pick up a phone or text or email you to see how you are doing, you should get back to that person. I also say it is a reflection of your character.
She totally disagrees.
GENTLE READER: Sometimes, two or more perfectly valid etiquette rules can be contradictory, and one must use judgment to decide which of them takes precedence.
While Miss Manners agrees that inquiries from a friend or family member deserve a response, she wonders how often these updates are being requested. There is also a rule against pestering someone who is trying to work.