Dear Annie: My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We have three children. His mother is still living, and he has one younger brother.
My issue is with this brother, “James.” A few years ago, James cheated on his then-girlfriend, “Sheila,” with whom he has a daughter. Sheila also has a son from a previous relationship that James never cared for. In the midst of their troubles, she would call my husband and me and vent about the way James treated her and her son, saying he was emotionally abusive. Sheila once showed me one of James’ text messages referring to me as his brother’s “scumbag wife” and other nasty things, all because I spoke to Sheila when she was hurting.
Sheila took her son to a counselor who told her to pack up and remove herself and the kids from the home because of James’ behavior. Eventually, she sent her son to live with his father. Then she and James got married.
During holiday gatherings with my husband’s family, I tolerate James, but otherwise, I have no interaction with him or his wife. I wasn’t invited to their wedding, although my husband attended. I only recently revealed to him what James wrote about me. I could see it upset him, but all he said was, “I didn’t realize.”
Lately, my mother-in-law has been making comments about how she doesn’t understand why “people” don’t talk to each other. I’m sure she’s referring to me. I know James has probably told her all kinds of untrue things about me. I don’t want to upset her by giving her the lowdown on James, but should I? – Hurt and Fed up
Dear Hurt: Please don’t. It might push James to go after you with more venom. Your husband knows the truth, and that’s the most important thing. Make sure he is supportive of you if James or his mother says anything unkind. Beyond that, you are handling this as well as can be expected.
Local journalism is essential.
Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are not tax deductible, but are predominately used to help meet the local financial requirements needed to receive national matching-grant funds.
Subscribe now to get breaking news alerts in your email inbox
Get breaking news delivered to your inbox as it happens.