Avoid pointless fights with parent

Dear Annie: Yesterday, I had an argument with my 85-year-old mother. She said I must be a lesbian because of my recent Facebook posts in support of all my gay friends and the Supreme Court decision upholding gay marriage. Specifically, I changed my photo so it was colored in beautiful rainbow shades.

My mother was appalled that I was supporting “those people” and demanded that I change my picture. She said she was embarrassed and claimed that all of her friends were calling her to ask whether I was gay. This was a lie and she admitted it. Then she said she does not support gay people and I should support them in more private ways. I told her I am 50 years old, not 10, and these are my choices. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to look at my Facebook page.

I have never felt comfortable having my mother as a friend on Facebook. I want to un-friend her, but I’d feel guilty. She has always been this way, and frankly, I’m fed up. She has other friends and family on Facebook, so it’s not as though she’ll be out of the loop. What do you say? – New York

Dear New York: There are kinder ways to deal with this rather than un-friending your 85-year-old mother. You can arrange your privacy settings on Facebook to limit what she sees and what she can post on your page. But truly, you are 50 years old and should know how to deal with your bigoted mother by now. Ignore her comments. Change the subject when she says things you find offensive and refuse to engage her in these pointless arguments where neither of you will influence the other. Don’t become angry. Smile, and then do what you want. It’s how children have dealt with difficult parents for centuries.