Miss Manners: Mass-produced thank-you lacks sincere gratitude

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends of mine lost their home to a house fire. It was terrible. Another friend set up a “go fund me”-type page for friends and family to donate and help the couple. Many friends, including me, helped with money, meals, laundry and their dog while they were getting back on their feet.

Last week, they sent thank-you notes. My roommate received one addressed to her and I did not. The notes were not individualized; it was a printed one-size-fits-all message. My roommate realized I did not receive a thank you, so she sent a private message letting them know I had been left out.

The next day, I got a text message apologizing and saying that I had been left out because their friend who addressed the notes must have missed me! It was accompanied by a picture of the thank-you note, which was texted to me with the message, “Here’s a thank you just for you. XOXO”

Is it fair of me to consider this friendship over? Should I tell her that I am upset, or should I accept that this boorish thank-you was better than nothing?

GENTLE READER: Let us say that these are not the people to count on if your house burns down.

Miss Manners realizes that they have suffered a disaster and are occupied with putting their lives back together. If hundreds of strangers had pitched in, it would have been acceptable to write an effusive public letter with an apology. It seems unlikely that your “many” meant more than a dozen at most. And these were not strangers but friends. They may not have been coping with disasters of their own, but they had busy schedules of their own. After the friends were re-established with food and shelter, what higher priority could there be than to treasure those who generously rushed to their aid?

What she sent you, instead, was not a letter expressing gratitude but a sort of receipt, and upon request at that. Miss Manners is not surprised that this would dampen, if not kill, the friendship.