Annie’s Mailbox: Constant criticism endured at in-laws

Dear Annie: Due to financial problems, my husband and I recently had to move into my in-laws’ home. Not a day goes by that I am not chastised or put down for the choices that led us to this situation. My “frivolous spending habits” seem to be the sole reason we are here. They totally disregard the illness that kept their son from working, his alcoholism and his gambling. Those subjects never come up. I took out loans to pay rent when he couldn’t work and am still paying those off.

My mother-in-law treats me like a child. My three teenage kids have started telling her the things they used to tell me. My feelings are so hurt. When my husband lost his job, our insurance went with it, so I can no longer see my psychiatrist. I am disabled and would have a hard time leaving. I have no one to turn to. What can I do? – California

Dear California: You don’t need us to tell you that you should get out of that toxic environment as soon as possible. Have you spoken to your husband about this? He needs to stand up for you and make sure his parents treat you with more respect.

But you also might enlist your in-laws’ assistance in dealing with their son’s issues. Don’t make accusations or act defensively. Simply say, “I so appreciate your taking us in during this difficult time. How do you think we can get ‘Joe’ to stop gambling and drinking? It’s eating into our finances, and I could use your help. What do you suggest?” They may not be helpful at all, but at least you will have brought up the important subjects that everyone seems unwilling to discuss.

You also can contact Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org) and Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for yourself and your kids. Then look into free or low-cost counseling through local churches, graduate school counseling departments, United Way, the YMCA, the YWCA, and NAMI ( namispokane.org).