Holiday meal mediation is thankless task

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am caught between two people in a question of holiday meal etiquette. When my mother, the host, asks my longtime boyfriend how he’d like a certain food, and he responds he doesn’t like something, she reacts with shock.

She drags out her exclamations of surprise. “I’ve never known anyone who doesn’t like such-and-such!” she cries out. “You want such-and-such PLAIN? Oh-kayyy …” she says.

At our last holiday meal, this made him uncomfortable, and his conversational skills were lacking for most of the visit.

I feel conflicted. Sometimes being a good guest means taking bites of something you don’t like. But being an adult should mean you can choose what goes into your body.

I’m sure my mother isn’t thinking when she reacts. It can’t be fun to be a host who knows one guest won’t eat some of the offerings, but it can’t be fun to be a guest who is asked what he likes, only to be treated like he’s a weirdo when he answers.

When my mother asks me for meal suggestions, I mention foods my boyfriend will like. It occurs to me that for the next meal, I could ask if I can bring a dish or two I know my boyfriend will like.

My mother and my boyfriend are wonderful people (especially when apart), but lately I’ve been fantasizing about taking a trip away from both of them for the rest of the holidays.

GENTLE READER: These people are speaking different languages, and Miss Manners is afraid you will have to translate.

Your beau understands your mother to be asking for a critique of various dishes, perhaps with the thought of learning his likes and dislikes so she can please him in the future.

This is not the case. Your mother is asking for compliments.

You might head her off if you could persuade your beau to issue a compliment – a general one or, failing that, an enthusiastic response to something he does like.

Too hard? Tell him to put something – anything – into his mouth quickly, smile at her question, and say a long, drawn-out “Mmmmm!”