Annie’s Mailbox:

Dear Annie: My wife of 44 years and I have two adopted children. Our son was perfect – no trouble, a college diploma, a good job, etc. We bought him a car at 16, and when he graduated college. We helped with his first apartment. We loaned him the down payment on his house and he paid us back.

Our daughter, however, was a challenge. She abused drugs, had no interest in school, ran away, had multiple pregnancies, couldn’t hold a job and ended up in jail. Over the years, we spent thousands on counseling, purchased apartments of furniture when she was trying to get re-established, and have given her a dozen cars so she could get to interviews. Fortunately, she seems to have turned the corner and is married to a guy who treats her and her children well.

In an effort to equalize the disproportional amount spent, we specified in our will that our son would get 60 percent of our estate, putting 40 percent in a trust, so our daughter would get the interest and the rest would go to her children. She still doesn’t work, and I am concerned she would go through an inheritance in short order.

That split seemed reasonable when we made our wills, but today that would result in one child receiving $2.4 million more than the other. I don’t want a rift between siblings. Any suggestions on a split that is closer to fair? – Your Opinion Please

Dear Opinion: We know you spent more on your daughter, but children’s expenses rarely end up being equal, so the split seems as though you are punishing her for past mistakes.

Too many people think of wills as a way to punish or reward their relatives. Please don’t. The amount is generous enough neither child is going to suffer. We recommend you discuss this with your son and daughter, so there are no surprises.