Annie’s Mailbox: Record efforts for lying mother-in-law

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 32 years to “Conrad,” and we have two adult sons. My mother-in-law will be 87 soon, and Conrad is her only child. I have never had a good relationship with her in spite of my efforts. She chose not to attend our wedding reception because it was hosted by her late ex-husband’s second wife. Instead, she told us she stayed home, drank champagne and cried all night. She has a history of making snide remarks.

My husband and I are in Maui for a month. Prior to our departure, I provided a list of all contact information for family members, physicians, dentists, etc., and clipped it to her refrigerator.

While we’ve been gone, her condo has developed a basement leak. My husband and I have been on the phone with her daily regarding insurance, repair work, etc. During one call, she commented she had no one to phone. My husband reminded her she can call our sons, and she replied, “No, your wife told me not to bother them.” This was a complete lie. He told her I would never say that, but she insisted I had. My first reaction was to call her out on it, but I want my husband with me as a witness when I talk to her.

I want to be sure I am courteous when we see her. But how do I get her to stop lying? – Annoyed DIL

Dear Annoyed: If Mom is still looking to discredit you after 32 years, it isn’t likely to change. We would also add, as she gets older, some of this behavior may get worse. You and your husband need to politely, firmly and repeatedly correct Mom when she does this. Write it down, if necessary, so when you are vacationing, there is a record. Also inform other family members of any instructions you have given Mom. You will be less aggravated knowing others are aware of what’s going on.