Couch Slouch suffering from ‘anthem fatigue’
Nobody – including myself – wants to hear me weigh in on this national anthem business. But, during a misspent adolescence and an even more misspent post-adolescence watching untold, inconsequential sporting contests, it is possible I have heard “The Star-Spangled Banner” more often than any other individual born in the waning days of the Eisenhower administration.
Not to be politically incorrect – and this definitely is going to sound a tad politically incorrect – but I’m damn tired of the ballad.
I definitely have developed “anthem fatigue,” due to all the furor surrounding the song since Colin Kaepernick’s take-a-knee protest began this NFL season.
Now, I have no desire to wade into the controversy, in terms of whether Kaepernick and adherents are right or wrong. But I am frustrated, as a Social Security and Costco card-carrying American, that everyone these days is judged – in regard to being pro-police or not, pro-military or not, pro-homeland or not – based on their Kaepernick stance.
It’s as if we now wake up facing some litmus test on patriotism every morning; I just want to watch “The Price Is Right.”
(Explain this to me: It has become popular over the last generation for elected officials, public figures and network broadcasters to wear an American-flag pin on their lapel. Does this really make you more patriotic, a better American? No. Being respectful of your fellow Americans and fellow world citizens makes you a better American – and pulling out of a parking space without delay instead of pretending you’re doing something to make another motorist wait longer.)
I’m not even sure “The Star-Spangled Banner” is America’s best choice for a national anthem.
Not only are “America the Beautiful” and “This Land Is Your Land” better tunes, their lyrics are more lyrical, too.
I’ll take “above the fruited plain” and “from sea to shining sea” every day and twice on Sunday over “the bombs bursting in air” and “the rockets’ red glare.”
I’ll take “this land was made for you and me” every day and twice on Sunday over “O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light.”
(No, I can’t see by the dawn’s early light – I’m not even up yet.)
Who among us – and I don’t blame our failing schools for this – even knows what “ramparts” are?
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.
And what is “the twilight’s last gleaming,” other than something that rhymes with “gallanting streaming”?
Frankly, Francis Scott Key was no Burt Bacharach.
Of late, how you treat the national anthem is a referendum in how much you support the nation; there is proper and improper comportment when the song is being played.
(Incidentally, are we also supposed to stand at attention at home when we hear the anthem on TV? I already sit up whenever Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” comes on.)
My goodness, gymnast Gabby Douglas was vilified during the Summer Olympics for not placing her hand over her heart as the anthem played during the medal ceremony; by the time she got out of Rio, I thought they might nail her for kidnapping the Lindbergh baby.
A big deal is made out of it, but if we were totally honest, we’d realize that most fans standing for the anthem can’t wait to sit back down and get the game underway.
Speaking of which, why do we sing it at the start of sporting events?
Supposedly, singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” began during the 1918 Cubs-Red Sox World Series. At some point, it became commonplace to play it before games, even though the song wasn’t adopted as our national anthem until 1931.
Growing up, I remember how sad I’d feel when I heard “The Star-Spangled Banner” late at night on TV – it meant the broadcasting day was over.
(Yes, pre-cable and pre-by-the-dawn’s-early-light tweeting, local stations would sign off at, say 2 a.m. Can you believe it? Heck, 7-Elevens even used to close.)
Anyhow, I’m not sure an MMA fight is the best venue to appreciate “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
Then again, if it were up to me, the national anthem would be played every day when Ben & Jerry’s opens at 11 a.m.
Ask The Slouch
Q. Given demands from Clinton supporters to determine victory by popular vote instead of electoral vote, should Roger Goodell consider replacing playoff results with total yards gained if it would help deny the Patriots a championship? (Paul Walorski; Columbus, Ind.)
A. From your lips to the NFL commissioner’s ears.
Q. If the NHL can get by with one allotted timeout per game, why can’t the NFL and NBA? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)
A. The intention of every NFL and NBA game is to have as many stoppages as possible to allow for multiple commercial breaks. Since no one is watching NHL games, this is not a priority.
Q. Will Trump backer Tom Brady be offered a position on the Federal Reserve Board to help keep inflation under control? (Scott Burgess; Washington, D.C.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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