Crooks: Translating those talking points

To cut through the dense fog of political rhetoric, I started a glossary of euphemisms, slogans and everyday jargon. It’s not all-inclusive, but it’s a start. Consider it an antidote to tiresome talking points.

“Revenue” – Tax dollars.

“Investment” – Spending.

“Enhance” – Increase. “We need to enhance our investment.”

“Modernize” – Cut. “We’re modernizing Medicaid.”

“Means” – Subjective revenue total.

“Live within our means” – Don’t raise taxes.

“Pays for itself” – A tax cut that leads to living beyond our means.

“Now is not the time.” – Example: “Now is not the time to raise taxes.” It never will be.

“The truly needy” – The number of people who can be covered after a specific budget cut.

“Standardize” – Don’t like a local regulation? Call for a national standard, especially if that’s unlikely to occur. Example: The state of Washington creating its own regulations for climate change. Response: “We need a national standard!”

“One size fits all” – Flip side of the above. Don’t like a state or federal standard? Bash it as “one size fits all.”

“Local control” – Close cousin to the above, usually uttered by someone whose party lost a national election.

“Elections have consequences.” – Won the national election.

“We, the people” – Me and my tribe. “When will Congress represent we, the people?”

“Transparency” – Force the other side into the open.

“Hold them accountable.” – Scrutinize the other side.

“Witch hunt” – Scrutinizing us.

“Frank discussion” – Behind closed doors.

“Hard conversations” – No minds were changed.

“States’ rights” – Oppose current administration.

“Let the people decide.” – Too hot to handle.

“The people have spoken.” – Voted the way I did.

“We were sent here to do a job.” – Considering unpopular legislation.

“I don’t look at the polls.” – Really unpopular.

“What the American people wanted” – Got my way.

“Obstructionist” – Not getting my way.

“Reach across the aisle” – We’re outnumbered.

“Compromised” – Adopted a trivial amendment.

“Bipartisan” – Got a person or two from the other party to sign on.

“They weren’t willing to work with us.” – They disagreed.

“We need more facts.” – The facts look bad for us.

“The science isn’t settled.” – Don’t like these facts.

“Civil disobedience” – My protest.

“Riot” – Your protest.

“Resistance” – People I agree with.

“Agitators” – People I disagree with.

“Snowflakes” – Your crybabies.

“Real Americans” – My crybabies.

“Rabbler-rousers” – Their side.

“Concerned citizens” – Our side.

“Stakeholder” – Not you.

“Protected speech” – Campaign donations.

“Flag burning” – Unprotected speech.

“Hypocrisy” – Them.

“Flip-flop” – Them.

“Open mind/flexible” – Us.

“Evolving” – Already changed mind.

“Even the New York Times said …” – Disregard previous media bashing.

“Be objective!” – Disagree with an opinion.

“Thanks for being objective!” – Agree with an opinion.

“You live in a bubble.” – Wrong bubble.

“Common sense” – My bubble.

“Do your job!” – Take my side.

“Represent all constituents!” – Take my side.

“Uphold the Constitution.” – Ditto.

“Radical” – Your solution.

“Moderate” – Liberal or conservative solution, depending on speaker.

“Cronies” – Their people.

“Public servants/patriots” – Our people.

“Traffic” – My neighborhood.

“Commerce” – All other neighborhoods.

“Law and order” – Marijuana, immigration.

“Nanny State” – Alcohol, cigarettes, guns.

“Lawless” – Lock up those people.

“Liberty” – Take law into own hands.

“Teaching to the test” – Stop measuring.

“Fake news” – Dislike article.

“Alternative facts” – Fake news.

“Media out to get us” – We’re in trouble.

“Hit piece” – Can’t dispute the content.

“Wait for all the facts.” – Caught.

“How come the media aren’t covering …” – Red-handed.

Opinion Editor Gary Crooks can be reached at garyc@spokesman.com or (509) 459-5026. Follow him on Twitter @GaryCrooks.