Dear Annie: At rock bottom

Dear Annie: I am writing to you looking for help with substance abuse. I would like to find a natural way of releasing myself totally from this disease, as well as from crushing grief I’m experiencing from loss.

I recently lost my kids’ father. I have taken it really hard, to the point that I lost myself. A part of me has so many regrets from all the wrong I did in my relationship because of my substance abuse. He thought I was against him, and I completely wasn’t. I was stuck in an addiction. I spoke negatively of him to some mutual friends, but that was because of my addiction, my selfishness and my need for instant gratification and validation. I regret that.

Since he passed away, I’ve truly lost the ability to look forward most days. My heart is so heavy with the pain I caused him with my substance abuse, lies and unfaithfulness.

I would really appreciate it if you could refer me to someone for help in dealing with grief and finding a way to mend the past and accept that he’s dead and in a better place, so I can move on and hopefully have a future. I don’t want to see myself sitting in this same place next year. I want to see myself reaching up and building my self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth. I want to actually believe that I am somebody and deserve to find a better place in society and, more importantly, a better place within myself. – Lost

Dear Lost: Hitting rock bottom is painful. But it’s also powerful. As cliched as it sounds, it’s true: There’s nowhere to go but up.

I strongly encourage you to see a therapist. If that’s not feasible for you at this point, please consider attending a 12-step program, such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, where you might find peace in surrender and strength in solidarity. You can also call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s 24/7 National Helpline, at (800) 662-4357, for referral to resources and treatment available in your state.

I’m so sorry for your loss.