Miss Manners: Best to avoid desserts when this relative is around

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At family reunions, my sister-in-law waits until everyone has been fed, the cleanup is done, and there are only a couple of us left in the kitchen, talking. She then proceeds to take a spoonful out of every dessert left.

When I learned that she does this, I stopped eating any more desserts since I don’t want to eat after her. I KNOW if I say anything, they’ll make it seem that I’m being petty. How can I suggest this is awful, without them putting it back on me?

GENTLE READER: The answer depends on the ownership of the kitchen. In your sister-in-law’s kitchen, it will be best to bite your tongue and leave the desserts to fend for themselves. In your own kitchen, Miss Manners counsels you to express enthusiasm that she enjoyed the desert, as you follow after her with tin foil, wrapping each one up and handing it to her to finish at her leisure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to handle this situation? Someone who has been invited to a small party approaches the host in public, when he or she is surrounded by people who have not been invited, and talks about the party. I am wondering about the answer to this both from the host’s perspective and the non-invitees’ perspective. Thanks for any light you can shed on this situation!

GENTLE READER: Although the host has not yet officially assumed his role, it is his responsibility as host-elect to attempt to resolve this awkward situation. A hand placed on the invitee’s arm and a “Could we possibly discuss this later?” – accompanied by a significant look – should make the point. The non-guests will have to do their best to pretend not to have heard. Miss Manners realizes this will be difficult if the sudden revelation of a party to which they were not invited is not a pleasant one.