Miss Manners: Salutatory texts more annoying than attention-grabbing

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife likes to text me my name and wait for a response from me before following up with whatever question she wants to ask me in another text. She likes to do this to get my attention.

I find this practice annoying, as it grabs my attention and makes me respond, only to leave me staring at my phone and waiting around for a follow-up text. I think it would be more considerate of her to just ask her question directly.

GENTLE READER: Unusual as is your wife’s approach, Miss Manners agrees that it puts you in a bind. Etiquette does not require that you respond immediately to every stray text, but once you have answered, you are stuck until one party excuses themselves.

A good response might be, “I’m here but I’m about to get into the elevator. What’s up?” Miss Manners realizes this exceeds the fashionable number of vowels, but perhaps you can program it in as a canned response.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am going to be married soon to a wonderful man. We are planning a small ceremony, as his family’s church has limited seating. We are having a larger reception, with about twice as many guests as the ceremony.

We did not register for presents. We don’t need anything and are simply looking forward to a lovely day with our family and friends.

My fiance’s cousin asked us what we wanted for our wedding and we told him, truthfully, the honor of his presence was enough. He then proceeded to tell us that he was going to get us something anyway and signed us up for two different wedding registries.

I am at a loss about what to do. I personally think registries are in poor taste, and we really don’t need any more things. What should we say to this well-meaning, but slightly misguided, cousin? So far I haven’t done anything with the registries, but he has checked in a few times to see if we have added anything.

GENTLE READER: Tempting as it is to simply ignore the unwanted registries, Miss Manners fears that if your cousin is energetic enough to check if you are using them, he may also be energetic enough to tell other guests about their existence.

Were he to do so, he would not only be ignoring your wishes himself, but he would also be soliciting gifts in your name – and thereby making you a party to his rudeness.

To prevent this, Miss Manners recommends contacting the stores directly to take down the registries and following this up with a note to your cousin telling him what you have done and reiterating how serious you are about not asking for presents. As an angry tone (no matter how justified) is likely to engender an angry response, assert instead that you feel strongly about it – and if he cares about you he will honor your wishes, no matter how silly they may seem. This is one case where Miss Manners has no objection to the bride playing the “my day” card.