Dear Annie: Moving out and moving on

Dear Annie: I lived with my husband for 50 years. We met spontaneously, and I moved in with him soon afterward. He was different from the norm. He was smart, always outgoing and had many great friends. I fell deeply in love. We got married after a few years together and began to build our careers in businesses, where we both became respected and successful in our fields. Over those years, we also partied excessively, and hung out with people who would eventually end up in prison. We moved beyond our youthful acts and raised a family. But he never stopped bragging about his earlier, danger-filled exploits to anyone and everyone. And his stories have grown to new exaggerated versions or downright lies.

I also painfully discovered that he considers himself a ladies’ man, and has been secretly wining and dining other women. As much as I worked to make our lives better and make myself more attractive, I became more and more depressed. I felt I wasn’t good enough. I confronted him several times about all of these issues and nothing ever improved.

Through an “aha” moment and research, I came to discover that I married a sociopath. I have been trying to fix someone who cannot be fixed. He ignores my attempts to improve our relationship because he doesn’t care. He’s not wired for it. I am finally working through all of this through therapy, particularly mindfulness meditation. I feel like a new person. I’m writing this because the symptoms have been there all along, and I was too busy, tired or ashamed to deal with it until now. I wish more information had been available to me earlier in my life about the prospects for a loving relationship with a sociopath. I found that he may often say and do the right things, but it is all an act and short-lived. With no regrets, I am now moving on with the second half of my time on this earth! I am happier and really enjoy life. – Breathing Free