Dear Annie: Fretting over familial financial friction

Dear Annie: I’m very upset about my brother and my sister-in-law’s friction over finances. My brother and I are very close. I’m single and spend a lot of time with them and their two kids.

They fight about money often. It’s mostly centered on their mortgage. My brother thinks they should pay extra every month in an effort to pay off the house faster. He wants the peace of mind of ownership and not having debt. My sister-in-law thinks that’s a mistake because they need the money now and get to enjoy the tax write-off the mortgage brings. She also thinks they could invest that money and have a better return from the stock market rather than tie up that money in the house. My brother argues he would rather pay off the house than pay for it over and over again with all of those interest payments. He doubts they’d have the discipline to invest that money, but paying extra on the mortgage is a forced savings.

I’ve rented all my life and don’t know much about mortgages, but I’ve researched this a bit, and there are logical arguments on both fronts. Besides, I certainly don’t want to take a side.

I worry that these arguments are going to affect the kids. While the kids are still pretty young, 7 and 9, the bickering is constant. They fight about every nickel that’s spent.

When there’s no money talk, they’re great together. They love each other very much. They just have such opposing views on handling money. They’re not rich, but they also don’t want for anything. They generally have the same lifestyle expectations; neither is a “big spender” or wasting a lot of money.

While this is not my problem per se, I’m wondering how I can help. – Avoiding Financial Fights

Dear Avoiding Financial Fights: You’re correct that fighting in front of children is never good. So getting on the same page in regards to finances would be great. The problem is neither one of them wrote to me; you did. And as close as you are to your brother, getting in the middle of his marriage and finances isn’t a good idea. The next time they argue over money, you might suggest that they consult with a financial planner.